It took me two months to finally write this. To be honest, I didn’t want to. I wanted to focus on the SNL Latina stereotype skit, or how Belgians depicted the Presidential family as monkeys. Or even shout about how I actually enjoy the Dusk till Dawn series and its season two being picked up after only three episodes. Yes, any of these topics would do, but night after night, I could not –for the life of me– get this nagging feeling that I needed to say something. So here goes: My girlfriend is Black. There. I said it. So what’s the big deal, right? I thought the same thing, but apparently it is a big deal and as “accepting” and “progressive” as we like to pretend we are, I’m constantly reminded that, in fact, that’s not the case.
The first time it happened, I wanted to punch a wall. Actually, the first time it happened my girlfriend didn’t say anything because she knew I’d be mad (not because I have boiling Spanish blood, you racist), but because I’m Spanish and my blood was boiling. My girlfriend was on her way to my house in Harlem when a guy stopped her and said, “Don’t you date black men?” and followed up with “Stay focused.” The first time that it happened to me a coworker said, surprisingly, “Tu novia es negrita?!” (“You’re girlfriend is black?!”). To which I replied, “My girlfriend is a woman. What does her color have to do with anything?” Which was followed by “I didn’t know you were into Black girls. You don’t seem like the type.” Type? TYPE! I’m sorry, what does that even mean? I’m into women. Black, white, tanned, blue (yeah, Na’vi are kinda hot). Is there a specific type of man for each “race” of women? Seriously, I want to know. Are there features that let women know what kind of women a man likes and vice versa? So If I wear Abercrombie and American Eagle, I’m into blondes with blue eyes? Or if a woman wears chains, rocks some Jordans, and fitted hats, she’s into Black and Latino men?
I just don’t understand. I don’t. I thought Chocolate and Caramel went together nicely. What’s a Snickers and MilkyWay without either one? Did I compare two cultures to amazing candy bars? Damn right, I did. For me, the tipping point was when I got into a discussion with a gentleman who claimed my girlfriend was “lost, and confused” because she was dating me. Why is it that my choice in who I want to be with has to suit your cultural and societal beliefs? Is my biracial relationship so threatening to the self-identity of a culture? Are the personal tastes and likes of the individual irrelevant because they don’t follow the cultural norm? There has always been tension between white and Black relations, especially when it comes to interracial dating. Though, for some reason, that tension is more subdued and accepted between Latino and Black relations, but make no mistake about it, there is still a “mantener la raza” mentality on both sides. Many a times I’ve heard parents of my Latino friends balk at their daughters or sons for dating a Black man or woman. And god knows my girlfriend and I have seen our share of glances and “Stay true, sista!” comments.
Here’s the problem: Unfortunately, we live in a melting pot. Especially here in America (Sorry, Belgium). As a matter of fact, and this may surprise a lot of you, we actually all live together on this giant rock we call “Earth.” Yet, we claw and fight so hard to divide ourselves. I see this happening more with minorities. There is this invisible rule that for some reason there can only be one “minority” on top. Rather than work and support each other to grow and rise as one, we hold on to seclusive beliefs and ideals that when cultures mix there tends to be a subtle eye-roll and nod of disapproval.
We have fallen trap to the power of cultural imperialism in believing that being American can be summed up to one set of beliefs, ideals, and values and we have to accept being adopted into what is deemed American at the moment. Divide and conquer: A concept the Greeks used and America has perfected. Divide minorities, let them fight to be #1 all the while maintaining control. That’s why if you ask Hispanics, Blacks, Asians, Indians etc. if a show is diverse, you’ll get different answers depending if they are represented in the show or not. I’m not saying we shouldn’t call out inequalities, or that strong groups pushing agendas for their respective peoples aren’t making progress. What I am saying is that we should support each other, we should help and celebrate each other’s successes. There is power in numbers. Always has been, always will be, and collectively our numbers are growing. You better believe that some are scared and will do what they can to make sure our numbers stay down and divided.
All we know how to do is keep sweeping everything under the rug whenever there’s an opportunity to pat ourselves on the back and say, “Hey, we’ve made progress. We have a black President!” The interracial issue is just a part of a grander symptom. We don’t think beyond our own ideals and wants and are so fearful of accepting change that letting go is simply too much to face. I will not bend to fear. I will not accept old paradigms that prevent growth. Care to join?